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Escaping Darkness (S.P.P Book One), page 1
Escaping Darkness
S.P.P. Book One
T.A. Note
Copyright © 2023 by T.A. Note
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission requests, contact T.A. Note.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
Book Cover by Harbinger Design
Edited by Marcellebookschecked
First Edition 2023
Created with Atticus
Contents
Blurb
Dedication
Author note, Trigger, & Content Warning
Playlist
1. Chapter One
2. Chapter Two
3. Chapter Three
4. Chapter Four
5. Chapter Five
6. Chapter Six
7. Chapter Seven
8. Chapter Eight
9. Chapter Nine
10. Chapter Ten
11. Chapter Eleven
12. Chapter Twelve
13. Chapter Thirteen
14. Chapter Fourteen
15. Chapter Fifteen
16. Chapter Sixteen
17. Chapter Seventeen
18. Chapter Eighteen
19. Chapter Nighteen
20. Chapter Twenty
21. Chapter Twenty-One
22. Chapter Twenty-Two
23. Chapter Twenty-Three
24. Chapter Twenty-Four
25. Chapter Twenty-Five
26. Chapter Twenty-Six
27. Chapter Twenty-Seven
28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
What's Next?
Thank you so much for reading!
Acknowledgements
"It only took one night for my life to change. A baptism in my brother's blood created a darkness I couldn't escape. I know when I wake up, nothing will be the same."
When I witnessed a pack of wolf shifters murder my family, my whole world changed overnight. S.P.P, The Shifters Protection Program, finds me and offers me a place to heal and a new start in life I wasn't expecting. Filled with grief and surrounded by secrets, being on my own is terrifying. Finding a sense of normalcy seemed impossible until I met them—a group of wolf shifters who changed everything.
Thorn - The gruff eldest brother who carries a hidden sweetness.
Rowe - The unhinged artist that's fueled by passion and obsession.
Sylvin - The crazy overprotective psycho intent on keeping me.
Maddox - The flirty golden retriever who never fails at making me blush.
I shouldn't want to be around these guys. They're intense. Impassioned in a way that borders on obsession with my presence. I thought being around the same type of shifters that killed my family would send me running, but I can't deny my connection to them. They're becoming everything to me.
With them by my side, I feel like I can escape the darkness that's taken residence inside of me. I just hope we can survive all the secrets circling us in a world that's nothing as it seems.
Dedication:
This book is dedicated to anyone that's felt lost and like the difficulties of life have ripped away their hopes and dreams. I see you, and I love you. We can get through these dark days together. You are not alone. <3 Happiness is scary, but always remember…just find one thing. One day at a time.
Hello!
Thank you for taking the time to read Escaping Darkness. It means the absolute world to me to have the privilege to introduce you to this world and these characters. It is difficult for me to describe how dark a book is because I feel like it's a scale and it can vary depending on the reader. This book is more gray to me, but others could find it dark. There is also on page discussion of some difficult subjects.
We all experience mental health and the struggles of it differently. This book covers self-harm, depression, and anxiety. I have done my best to portray these topics as I have experienced them so the scenes and emotions are very dear to my heart. Please remember, protect your mental health first. My book is not worth risking your state of mind.
Important numbers:
Dial 988 for the National Suicide and Crises lifeline if you need help. You are not alone.
Trigger and Content warning –
Mentions of past self-harm & scars.
Self-harm urges.
Mentions of anxiety and depressive thoughts.
Forced medication
Murder (not of main characters).
Group spicy times.
Violence.
OTT possessive and protective harem
Why choose - MFMMM (MMC are brothers including a set of twins).
Slow Burn, but it's gonna get hottttt.
Fated mates between a bunny and wolf shifters
Healing on an individual and group level.
Spice Spice baby.
Mysteries, Secrets, and more.
Let me tell you, I wish I could listen to music while I write. However, I am embarrassingly easy to distract, but I have created a playlist that I listened to between writing that I think fits the mood and I just love it. I will advise that I like sad music. I think it fits the mental struggles we see in this book, and it's music I can identify with. As a writer, it may seem silly, but I struggle to describe how I feel to other people and find that expressing myself in song is easier than trying to describe my emotions.
Save Me – Jelly Roll
Happy – NF
Let you down – NF
Hope – NF
1-800-273-8255 (Please remember the new number is now 988 even though this song is titled as the old number) – Logic, Alessia Cara, Khalid
Scars to your beautiful – Alessia Cara
Heavy – Linkin Park (R.I.P. Chester, I will always be grateful for seeing you live and I will forever miss your voice and the ability to describe how I feel in your music.)
Into the ocean – Blue October
You say – Lauren Daigle (This is the song I really correlate to how Lily feels when the guys are showing her how much they care. It makes me cry. lol!)
Easy on me – Adele
What was I made for – Billie Eilish
See you again – Charlie Puth & Wiz Khalifa
Lovely – Billie Eilish and Khalid
Train Wreck – James Author
Get you the moon – Kina & Snow (Another song that really connects with the guys and Lily just healing each other.)
If you want love – NF
Surrender – Natalie Taylor
Lonely – Justin Bieber and Benny Blanco
Lily
My first shift was supposed to be celebratory, but now I feel frozen—fear coursing through my tiny body. When my first shift came on, and it was revealed that I was a rabbit shifter, like my mom, I couldn’t have been more excited, but now, all I can think about is how defenseless I am. Useless. How did a day of unity become my worst nightmare? Every shifter looks forward to turning sixteen, to finally being able to shift, but now I wish I could rewind to yesterday and stay fifteen forever because this nightmare didn’t exist yesterday. Yesterday we were laughing. Today, we are screaming.
“Lily! Move! You have to get out of here!” Alex screamed as he shifted into his wolf form. It wasn’t quick enough to keep the familiar-looking brown-and-black wolf from pouncing on him. I watched as the wolf bit through my brother's throat. Blood dyeing his white fur red.
I need to move. I need to run. I can’t, though. I’m frozen, paralyzed by fear. They shouldn’t be here. I know my parents wouldn’t have invited them after what happened.
The blood flowing from my brother's neck puddles onto the floor as it seeps toward me. I want to cry out as blood touches my tiny light-gray paws, but I can’t. Why are they here?! Why are they doing this??
The wolf attacking Alex raises his head with a growl, blood coating its muzzle. His ice-blue eyes stare into mine as he bares his teeth, sending more droplets of my brother’s blood toward me. His vicious teeth painted red have me hypnotized. Alex. He killed Alex.
My tiny body trembles as he stalks toward me, the never-ending growl drowning out the surrounding screams of my other family members as his pack releases the same horrors upon them. My instincts are yelling at me to run. To shift back. To do something, but I can’t.
The wolf stalks closer, blocking my view of my brother's body, and finally, FINALLY, I feel like I can move. I’m broken from the trance of my brother’s cruel death. Turning to run, I slip on the blood pooling around me, feeling razor-sharp teeth embedded in my hindleg. I scream, but it's useless as everything fades to black from the pain.
It only took one night for my life to change. A baptism in my brother's blood created a darkness I couldn't escape. I know when I wake up, nothing will be the same.
Snapping my eyes open, I press a hand to my chest to try and soothe my palpitating heart. My sweaty face leans against the car door window, the cold glass soothing my heated skin. The remnants of my nightmare suffocate me with an anxiousness similar to what I felt that night. Looking around the car, I make eye contact with Julia, who’s watching
“You okay, hunny? You look pale.”
I want to laugh at her ridiculous question. Of course, I’m not okay. How can I be? My family is dead. I’ve been relocated to an unknown location where I have to pretend my life hasn’t been destroyed. How could anyone be okay? I give her a look, but I don’t offer a response. I don’t need any more pity than I’ve already received.
“Are we here?” I ask as I try to take in my surroundings. The car is pulled into the driveway of a small blue-and-white cottage—snow litters the ground outside and coats the forest looming on the right side of the corner lot, giving the illusion of a winter wonderland on this late August day. I used to love snow. Now I can barely look at it without my heart hurting. Its fluffy white texture reminds me of Alex’s fur.
“Yes, I hope you like it here. I picked this location and home personally for you. It seemed peaceful, and with all you’ve been through you deserve peace, Lily, even if it doesn’t seem like that. You deserve to find yourself again and live the kind of life you dreamed of before it was taken from you.”
I know she's right. My therapist has told me the same about my survivor's guilt, but it's hard when it feels like a piece of my soul died that night. I'm living in a reality I wish I could escape, and oftentimes I've allowed myself to perceive things that couldn't have existed to avoid living in a world that has become too difficult to navigate. My mind has conjured illusions of things that weren’t possible in order to break free from my grief. I can’t count the number of times a psychiatrist at S.P.P. forcibly medicated me for delusional episodes.
Exiting the car, I peer up at where I now call home. For two years, I've been housed in an S.P.P. facility. After my family was murdered, which left me as the only surviving witness to the crime, the Shifters Protection Program took me in and offered me a place to heal until it was deemed safe enough for me to leave.
This moment is bittersweet. I should be grateful that S.P.P. has decided the threat to my life is low enough to leave the guarded facility and return to everyday life, but it's difficult when the reason I'm safe is that my family's murderers have seemingly disappeared. There have been no leads on the wolves that changed my life for the worst two years ago. It’s like that night was just a bad dream. The only evidence it happened is the scars that mark my face and leg and my damaged psyche.
Taking a deep breath, I follow Julia inside as she offers me a soft smile. I know this is supposed to be a joyous moment, but after my nightmare, there is a dark cloud hanging over my head that I can’t shake. I should feel lucky. Many shifters in S.P.P. never get this chance, but I’m not in the mood to celebrate.
My boots thud against the small front porch as I enter the quaint living room with cream and light-brown furniture. A soft-looking couch sits against the back wall, bathed in light by the surrounding windows. A beautiful oak entertainment center is directly across from the couch, with a television hung above it. It’s simple and cozy. I can see why Julia thought this would be a peaceful place to live.
“Let me show you the kitchen,” Julia says as she pulls my hand forward, tugging me out of the room. The kitchen mimics the light color palette with white cabinets and granite countertops. Off to the side is a dining nook surrounded by windows and French doors that open to a small enclosed porch. The only piece of furniture is a small, round wooden table with four chairs.
She continues her tour upstairs, showing me two furnished bedrooms, an office, and a bathroom with a large walk-in shower and separate bathtub.
“It’s not much, but I think it will be a good start for you, Lily. When you are ready, you can decorate it however you want and even change the furniture. This home is yours for as long as you want it.”
“Thank you. It’s more than enough, Julia. Truly. I—” I can feel tears pool in my eyes as I become choked by my emotions. It’s all too much.
“Shhh, sweet girl, this is a good thing. Let’s go back downstairs and talk while the others bring your boxes from the van. There are a few things I need to go over with you before I leave.”
Nodding, I follow her to the couch, where we sit. I pull at the sleeves of my hoodie to cover my hands. A nervous habit I’ve never been able to shake.
“Okay, so even though you won't have an agent directly on you, we have two sleeper agents next door that I've contacted, and they've agreed to keep an eye on you. They have been around S.P.P. their whole lives, so I think they'll be great at helping you adjust. They have two younger brothers, around your age at eighteen, who know what we do at S.P.P. that will also assist when the others can't. ”
Digging through her bag, she hands me a cell phone. I wasn’t allowed to have one while hiding at the S.P.P. facility because it can be used to track the locations of victims.
“Sleeper agents? Is that necessary?” I ask, staring at the phone in my hands.
“Yes, essentially, they have everyday jobs and lives, but when we need them, we can call them and assign them a task. In this case, your protection. Your family's case may be cold, Lily, but we can’t allow too much risk. Not when we have no idea why this pack killed your family or where they are hiding.”
Running my hands through my long silver hair, I ask warily, “What type of shifters are they?”
Julia offers me a pitying gaze. “Wolf shifters, I believe.”
She continues her task of overwhelming me with information, not even realizing or simply choosing to ignore the panic that her words have caused. Wolves. Logically I know not all wolf shifters are like the ones I’m hiding from, but it’s hard being around the same type of predator that took my family from me.
“The phone I gave you contains their names and numbers as well as mine. If you need anything, please call one of us, but I’m sure the guys will be over at some point to introduce themselves.”
“What if, what if they find me?”
Julia offers me a small smile. “We have a team attempting to track them, but if you ever feel like they have found you and we aren’t aware, then call me and get to one of the agents that live next door until we can dispatch more. There has been no sign of that pack for years, Lily. Don’t let them take this chance at a normal life away from you.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I offer her a nervous look. It's hard to believe that my family’s killers just disappeared. What if they've just been waiting for me to be accessible again? The facility is like a fort, but I'm exposed here. I still don't know why they killed my family, but I know in their minds they have a reason to kill me, and I don't see them suddenly deciding it's not worth it. This silence feels like the calm before a devastating storm.
“I know it’s scary, the unknown, but you can’t keep living in fear. You have to trust that we have taken all the precautions we can to keep you safe and live your life. It’s what your family would have wanted for you, Lily.”
I take a deep breath and try to stem the anger at her words. She has no idea what my family would have wanted. She didn’t know them. She doesn’t even really know me. We aren’t friends, and I don’t trust her.
“Here is your enrollment packet for Monroe High. All your online classes at S.P.P. have transferred, so your schedule should be accurate for your senior year. You have an OJT—on-the-job training—block each day, which you’ll be spending at an art studio. I know you like to paint and I thought it would be something you could look forward to as you adjust to a new school. The two youngest brothers transferred schools and will be attending classes with you. I’m also leaving you an allowance card you can use. It will receive funds from the facility every month. I know you have your own money, but I figured this might help make things a little easier.”
I hate to admit it, but I tune her out as I watch the other agents carry in the few possessions I acquired while at S.P.P. It’s mostly clothes and a few nondescript personal items I asked the investigating agents to grab from my family home as they processed the scene.
“Lily, do you have any questions?”
Shaking my head no, I watch as she lays everything on the small coffee table before getting up.
“Let me just show you the alarm, and then we will head out so you can adjust. I know this is a lot.”
